Jul 5, 2018

Your Experience is Valid, Too

by Aspen Anderson

I think the issue was that I had too much coffee. That is pretty hard to do, but when combined with a day of talking with people at a convention, as an introvert I definitely overextended myself. As I stood at my booth nodding as a woman told me the terrible story of how she found an abandoned puppy in a trash bag, trying to find the right combination of sympathy and active listening facial expressions, the conversation weighed on me and I felt dizzy and claustrophobic. It is a common feeling for me when someone I don't know well is talking and I don't know if the conversation will be easy to get out of. My social anxiety always keeps me thinking three sentences ahead, worrying that I time my reactions too soon or too late, make my voice or expressions too strong or not strong enough to express them properly. As the day went on, I tried everything I could think of to get my nerves to calm down - I hid in the bathroom for twenty minutes, I made sure I ate, I tried to breathe and take a walk. Nothing helped. My nerves were still raw. I would be speaking on the main stage, but I minded that much less than one-on-one conversations, so I knew it wasn't nerves. I was just tired and overcaffeinated. 

Desperately wishing I had brought some sort of anti-anxiety medication with me, I looked across the room and saw a booth heavy-laden with crystals. While other people in my social circles swore by their healing properties, it was not something that resonated with my often over-analytical mind. But at this point, I would try anything. 

I wandered over and asked the man tending the booth if he had anything for anxiety. He asked what kind, and when I told him it was social anxiety, he nodded, and much like I do when someone tells me their dog struggled with arthritis, his hand seemed to itch to rush to a solution he had explained hundreds of times before. He led me around to the edge of the booth and handed me a piece of black tourmaline. 

The effect was immediate. The weight of the large piece felt solid in my hand, grounding and secure. My arm almost felt like it was vibrating, warming, and the tension that had been in my chest all day long making it difficult to concentrate began to ease. It didn't disappear, but it felt like healing balm was being applied to my raw insides and that it would be over soon. I bought the large crystal on the spot and clung to it until I finally felt like I was myself again. I don't like believing in anything I don't understand, but sometimes comprehension can take a back seat to experience. If you find something that works, you don't need a thousand scientific studies to validate your personal experience. Just knowing it helps can be enough.